The painful stuff that I keep
2009©

In the box in the back of my heart,
lives the painful stuff that I keep
It is covered with the black cloth,
 and under all those rocks of time,some deep.

No one really knew what was in there but me,
I refused to share my shame with strangers,
I refused to engage in conversations that
 open the wounds, and remind me of all the dangers.

So I hid these feelings and emotions in this box,
 like a file,
 I'm not the only one to do so either,
my siblings have boxes too,
but they are in deep denial.

As time goes by and we get older,
 I feel I must face the pain and shame.
So I write the words, the hurt
  to the world I begin to proclaim and explain.

But this makes most people feel unconfortable
and they also feel me as a disgrace,
because I dare to tell the truth, open all the wounds
 no longer sacrificing myself for the ugly face.

If the body never lies, and the truth can set me free,
and if this book I have written gives me peace
 and heals what I have been through,
Yet with sadness in my heart at your dislike,
 but I must do what I must do.
 

And hope someday We can come to grips with it all,
 and find some common ground.
But as I now go over the hill- I want to go up,
 and I refuse to continue to allow anyone to bring me down.

This is my way of healing and licking my wounds,
why don't they try to understand, I need to see the painful words in ink.
Instead they are angry, they say I am a drama queen with a need to be right,
they say "you make us look bad,  and what will other people think".

After all these years of denial and shame,
and most of all the guilt I felt, and for love I yearned,
now all I want is to heal MYSELF, to be finally complete and free,
so honestly, what others think, is no longer of concern to me!