I was in luv with a thug once....
And to this day I don’t know what it is about him
That I can’t keep my mind off of him

Could it be his tattoos that ran from this back to his arms to the front of his chest…

Could it be the way he stood low yet still out and above the rest.


Could it be the dialect that he spoke as we are conversating…

That had me on the edge of my seat with every word that he is saying

Could it be his "go getter" mentality…

That had my mind swirling on thoughts of us living together in our own little version of ecstasy.

I think I loved him more than I loved myself

And to tell him exactly how I felt about him would be so easy. .. Except….

I always, someway somehow, seem to talk my self out of it.

I mean , I would literally have the phone in hand knowing he was just a phone call and text away …

But right as I begin to press the call/send button , I ponder about the “what ifs” and the “what nots “

and  like magic, it seems as if the of the thought of making that call/ text  slowly fades away

You would think it was one of the presidential debates

The way Me, Myself and I be clashing from day to day

“ If he liked you , he would do this”

“ If he had the slightest interest in you he would do that”

“ If he cared about you , he would have made an effort to do this.”

“If he really  wanted you he wouldn’t have said this or done that”

“ But Man, I really really like him.”

“ Bitch get over it he not that cute.”

“ So, I like the way he thinks”

“Bitch,  stop with all the  make believe and accept the fact that this Nigga don’t want you”

“But”

“ Ma’am, you see the facts and what really going on. There are no “buts” about it”

This debate continues to go on and on

All through the night to the early signs of morn.

As I sit back and begin to realize

That due to our different views on life’s philosophies

We , in fact, could never be

The circles we run flow in two different directions.

My heart begins to shatter as I reluctantly begin to separate fact from fiction

I must admit

It fells good to be def, dumb, and blind in love for a minute

I can’t deny it , It  feel s good to know  you may actually be desired and wanted….

Living life to the fullest during this awesome time in your life….

For you never know when you are ever going to feel this way again.

The truth has always been there , you’re just too distracted to see

Even if you know the truth, u just simply, and out right refuse to acknowledge it.

Love has a way of making one feel as if they are indestructible and above the clouds.

How painful it must feel when one is reacquainted with exactly what it’s like to be on the cold, hard, solid ground.

Like I have experienced many times before

And I’m more than sure , there will be many more

So like the Bad Bitch that I am I so humbly decide
To swallow the hurt with a couple of swigs of my Hypnotiq and let it ride……

Yeah, I was in love with a thug once….
Enticed by his Swag, demeanor and his charm
To bad I will never know what it’s like to have that love returned.