the window to my soul
never closes
i await the butterflies of love
to float in a kiss my face
flurry around
looking beautiful
wings spread
allowing me to catch it
hold it
be hypnotized
and mesmerized
by the flurry of its wings
while
i try
to screen
out
the mesquitos of lust
that leaves marks
bumps
and bruises
of being misused
misguided
into something beautiful
on my arm
all the while sucking me dry
where's the repellant that i need
to keep the bugs of lust
lies
truths withheld
and not told
that comes in the form of
bugs,
insects,
rodents,
new and old..

where's my butterfly.......

when is enough
just that
enough
when the tears are falling
the lies are coming on just as strong
empty ass apologies
for everything that they know
they've done wrong

when do you say
"if you don't go, then i will"
knowing the better half of you
is hoping just the thought of you leaving
him
or
her
will be enough to push that relationship
engagement
or
marriage
over the hills of struggle
to the smooth ride of
success

when do you look back
and realize that there was no lesson to be learned
that this person had no reason
justification
to be around
it was a position you had given them
not a job well earned

when do you stop saying
us
our
and we
because they stick to their motto of
"there's no I in team"
yet if you do a play on words
you can tell them
you're right
but rearrange the letters in team
and you will find
ME...

when do you burn that bridge
torch the city
of where you used to be
is it when there's physical scars left that the whole world can see
or
when you agonize over the open wounds
that exist internally

when does the when end
in my eyes
when ends
where
ME
begins......

we were supposed to be friends
the best to ever be
i've supported you alll your life
and you've so
so so
many times turned your back on me
when i needed you
you put me off on other people
that you didn't know
didn't think
didn't care
if they would abuse
or mistreat me
but when i'm broken down
cracked from top to bottom
you're the one
that feels bad
that wants the pity party
hoping that someone else
will do what you should've done
and repaired me
as good as new
how many more times
do you expect me
to be here for you
when you can't watch my back
hold me down
make sure i'm not
stepped on
damaged
or even just pocketted
until times are hard
or your new friends are bored
so i'm leaving
on the first thing smoking
hopefully to find a home
of my own
to be held
cherished
and cared for
this is my final goodbye
until you do right
not just in the end
but from the start

signed
a homeless heart.....

available.....
for all of you
when you need to be couselled
consoled
for whatever your problems are
or even may be
but at the end of the day
how many of you say
what about me
not me as in you
but me as in me
rod
yella
yellaboi
however you know
or
see me?
how many of you
read my poetry
and think about how much my words
my anger
my pain
may relate to what you have been through
or
currently going through
just to actually wondering if its something i'm going through now
or
have been through
how many of you
really sit back and wonder
am i receiving love in my life now
or am i on the journey
sharing the same taxi as you
but paying the fare alone
while you ride for free
and get out at your stop of love and happiness
wherever that may be
just to leave me sitting alone
wondering
what about me?

do you ever think
i have tears of my own
pains
dreams deferred?
things i need to get off my chest
words spoken aloud
that's never heard?
i'm only one man
uno
alone
left to help
pull up
or pull through
for
never myself
but for you
this goes out
to no one in particular
because i love you all
and will always be there to help any way i can
so that you recieve unconditional love
where ever it lies
wherever it may be
but in the end
i'm only left to wonder
what about me

i have dreams
i have wants like you
i am normal
not a savior
nor am i a saint
i want to tie the knot
jump the broom
honeymoon in countries foreign
or like most men may say
walk the plank
i want to have his and hers
i want to complain to my friends
that wifey don't want me going out tonight
because tonight is hers
i want to work long hours
like my father have for so long
then still come home
to help with homework
throw passes with my son
and say go long
when i know i'm tired
beat beyond human measure
but to know the joy
of a family prayer
laughter
that whole pleasure........

i want
to cry at the birth of a child
to hold him/her in my arms
to videotape that first smile;
i want anniversaries
memories of that day i proposed
for you to ask me 20 years later
do i remember the details of that day..

i want to love hard
harder by the day
i want to fight for something stupid
to make up in the best way
i want to race you home
and cook for you
i want to run your bath
and like an infant child
let me bathe you
i want to have pillow talk
for hours on end
i want to be in love with my wife
my woman
my girl
my friend...
i want the same things that you all say that you want
that some of you have
but won't uncover your eyes to see
i won't burden you with my problems any longer,
because they no longer exist
because even if you don't think
or i don't think
my God
thinks about me

so what about me..........

i found LOVE
on FOREVER street
walking hand in hand with
TIME
i couldn't stop staring at her
lusting for her
at night alone
asking God to send
LOVE my way
so that we could marry
and have our first child
MEMORIES.
I guess God saw that i was fit
and ready to recieve
or was he trying to show me that things aren't
always what they seem
that i must believe
it has to be by his will not mine..
so LOVE came my way
with her sweet kisses
touches
but neither her or God
warned me about her ex
TIME
that he would not give up
he would have her back
so he came to see me
with his brother
PAIN
and put a whippin on me you wouldn't believe
left me for dead
the doctors said i was found by my cousin
HEART
said i was still uttering the words
" love"
over and over again
officer DEPRESSION
was there to take my statement
of my account of what had happened
and i told him about LOVE
and he laughed
i asked why
and he said
"since i've been on the force
LOVE's name
has come up
more and more.
she's wanted, by millions of people
near and far,
that she actually lives
with your cousin
HEART"
to my astonishment
he walked out
and then came in
PAIN
to finish me off
with the barrel of the gun
leveled at my chest
i asked why
he said because TIME is not on my side
and will never be
as i closed my eyes
recited my prayers
prepared for my death
in walked FORGIVENESS
whom i had never seen before
wearing army camoflauge
dressed to go to war
he said he'd been on the case
since FOREVER street
when i met LOVE
and knew TIME would not be on my side
in the blink of an eye
he took out PAIN
gave me his card
and said he'd always be here
and that he's now my personal bodyguard....


the moral to my story is that we never have enough time, we never have enough love. yet we want them both to take over one another, for our own sake. whether you have it or not, love as if everyday is your last. if you get knocked down, don't worry about time, and if you have enough to fall in love again, or even if you have enough time to get over the pain that you feel. time does not heal wounds, we do. love like you have all the time in the world. if you get hurt, forgive those that wronged you, or if you're the one that causes the damage, ask for your victim to forgive you. and live, love, learn..

what won't you do for love...
i ask that question because everyone says what they will do
things they will alter
that has been apart of them their whole lives
just to be accepted by someone
just hear the words
I LOVE YOU
people have killed
for love
and will kill for it
love does not always have to be in the form of loving
another person
but it can be a thing
such as money
but its still love
so is love really something you should want?
seriously
its almost as if you're saying
i want to be crazy
but with an excuse
people don't become stalkers out of strong like
people don't murder their " loved ones"
when they catch them cheating
out of strong like...
never in a movie have i saw a man take a bullet for a woman he
liked
yet many for the woman he loved
even prostitution
the pimp gives off a perception of love
and usually these woman
unfortunately
finds what they need in love from him
that they willingly
sacrifice their body
to make him happy
people
after "love" has ended
fall into deep depression
drinking, smoking, partying,
even bouncing around sexually from one partner to another
just because love can be subsituted for a moment
or two....
so it leaves one to wonder
what it is to be loved...
is it something that i really want?
i hear it on the cd's i listen to
and its the most glorious thing in the world for most people
but how come no one ever talks about the down side of love
or love lost...

next timeyou say i want to be in love, ask yourself really, do you...